Race Coverage

Racing For Fun & Cinn-A-Stacks....

Monday, 23 January 2012 02:00

OptumHealth Performance Indoor Tri #1 - A research study at a semi-prestigious community college in Nickeragwah (phonetic spelling), wherein nine people were interviewed, proved conclusively that ONLY COOL PEOPLE BECOME TRIATHLETES.

Truer gibberish was never spoken, and the findings of that groundbreaking study were echoed loudly on Sunday at the inaugural Optumhealth Performance Indoor Tri, which launched the 2012 OHP Indoor Series. Only cool people were there.

Like who, you ask?

* Well, let's start with Trisha, 15, from Prior Lake, who is as cute as a button. She rides a Cervelo, which means that her parents are doing okay financially. Lately, she's been bugging her mom, who is very, very...

nice and who drank 5-6 cups of the free Caribou Coffee that the event provided and may be named Shirley, to teach her how to drive, which is freaking the alleged Shirley out. Trisha is a very good student and has a boyfriend (photo L), though she also kinda flirted with the young floppy-haired bearded guy (whose lips have been pierced like 20 times), who is a massage therapist at OHP. Trisha raced well on Sunday and was very happy about it.

* Then there's Treyce, whose name is pronounced "Tracy." If there were a Coolest First Name award, he would probably get it. He's a former basketball player and very handsome and was especially pleased with his treadmill performance. His wife is real pretty and she took thousands of pictures of him during the event. She was so proud that she took him to Ihop afterwards for Cinna-A-Stacks.

* There was a woman named Shannon who did better flip-turns than anyone and had a smokin' swim split.

* Joel is a big guy with a "from-deep-in-the-forest" beard. He miscounted his swim laps and swam an extra pool length. His flip-turns weren't nearly as good as Shannon's, but they were okay. Joel is glad that the Packers were knocked out the NFL playoffs and was anxious to get home after the tri so he could watch the games between "Home" and the "Visitors."

* With 54 marathons underfoot, Diane, 49 (photo L), has decided to give triathlon a go. Sunday's event was her first swim-bike-run. She's very nice and did very good. She only had to backstroke a little bit and she turned in a pretty darned fast cycle spit, despite the fact that she was riding a heavy commuter bike that must have cost tens of dollars. (Yes, we are embellishing.)

* We were very impressed with 51-year-old Christine (photo R), who was doing her very first endurance event. Working with free weights over the last two years had given her the ripped look of an athlete. This image was enhanced by her deep tan, which she admitted was obtained at "the electric beach," and the fact that she raced in very attractive and expensive sportswear. It was not apparent when looking at her that aerobic fitness was lacking. Accordingly, her splits were a bit on the slowish side. Nevertheless, she finished with a smile on her face and immediately signed-up for OHP coaching services.

Trisha, Treyce, Shannon, Joel, Diane and Christine, especially Christine, are rock stars in our book. MTN congratulates them and all the others who rocked out in Eden Prairie on Sunday.

Two great features of this indoor tri are that it was "wetsuit legal" (pool temp: 76 degrees), though no one wore neoprene, and that you didn't have to wipe down the machines after you used them. The next tri in the four-event OPH Series will take place on February 19. We hope to see you there. Oh yeah, the fastest times of the day were turned in by 2011 Rookie of the Year nominee Brian Zueli and Trisha Bachmeier, the aforementioned button-cute teen who rides a Cervelo and kinda flirted with the massage guy. (Photos courtesy of Darin Wieneke, Facebook and Google.)